Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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