Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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