my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
