You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A+ Viking dick
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
