I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
