Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
