SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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