I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
