Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
