so that wasnt chicken after all
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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