I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
