she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
