Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
