Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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