i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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