The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
