Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
