Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
