"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
