i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
