She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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