Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize