I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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