Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
