sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
