BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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