the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
