I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
