let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
