i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
