You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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