I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
