I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
