Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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