the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
