How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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