Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
