So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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