If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
