Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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