even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
