It's Friday. Sex?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
