I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
