Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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