But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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