Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
