Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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