I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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