Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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