I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
