before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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