Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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