Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
