Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am midnight drunk by noon
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
