the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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