shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
