The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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