never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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