I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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