I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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