He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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