you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
