in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
