My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
