HIV tests are more positive than that guy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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