oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
