It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
