My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
