Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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