So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
