He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
