If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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