Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
