I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
